Evil Raccoons
by HandsOnDisformedLambs
Summary: Sauli is determined to find out what is happening with the woodland creatures in Adam's backyard...SAULBERT/LAMBSKI


Hi all. This is a little oneshot. It's just kind of a daily day at the house for the Lambski boys. It was an idea formed off Twitter with Featherglitz. Cutesy little story. Enjoy!

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><p>"Sauli? What're you doing?" Adam asked his petite boyfriend who was peeking suspiciously above the windowsill. His eyes were squinted with curiosity and he was biting his bottom lip, trying to solve the mystery unfolding before him. This wasn't an uncommon action for the Finn. Recently, he had been suspecting the ominous behavior of the woodland zoo located in his boyfriend's backyard. He just never realized how serious it was until now. Sauli did not bother telling Adam this because it was confidential between him and his imagination, but now, it was getting to a point where he may need reinforcement and Adam would have to provide this backup.<p>

"Adam…The raccoons came back into the yard! What are they doing?" he asked, his thick European accent falling off his tongue. He turned his head, looking at the tall brunet who shrugged, taking out some mint ice cream from the fridge. The blond furrowed his eyebrows, taken off by the disinterest his lover shared in this dilemma. Sauli knew he wouldn't understand where he was coming from. Americans don't have the common curiosity for odd adventures. Sauli would not let this go because he didn't want to die at the hands of these animals. In addition, he had to protect Adam from falling victim to their clever and cunning plots and strategies.

Adam shoved a spoon into the frozen dessert and looked at his boyfriend, "I'm not sure, baby. It's odd. I have never noticed them before, but as soon as you came to live with me, it's like squirrels and raccoons are using my backyard as a drug dealing spot. Maybe they like the Finns," he teased and Sauli rolled his eyes, glancing back out into the black, still night and noticing the rodents had disappeared. He gasped, motionless in his spot and he gazed out on the periphery of the house. Where did they go? Did they have some sort of underground tunnel leading them to a certain tree? These questions cannot go unanswered! It's too dangerous!

"I have to investigate!" Sauli claimed, jumping up from the ground and throwing on his coat. Adam looked at his lover as if he was insane. He didn't understand his fascination with the rats in his yard. He never considered them because they never bothered him. Sure, they got into his garbage occasionally, but he just let it go without a second thought. Sauli was clinging onto this situation like a leech.

"What? Why? Baby, don't go out there. You don't know if they have rabies or something," Adam said, grabbing Sauli's hand and forcing him back into reality. "You can play with them tomorrow, but now, I want to sleep," he told the blond who sighed, feeling defeated, but the lingering suspicion of the 'coons evil plotting's still gnawed at the back of his brain. It wouldn't go unsolved. He had to get to them before they got to him…

The next morning Adam poured Sauli a cup of coffee. It was a daily routine when Adam wasn't busy or Sauli wasn't hanging out with friends. Just an average day in the Lambert-Koskinen household—until of course the determination of the blond boiled over. The Finnish male swiftly stood up with his beverage and his camera. "I'm going to figure out what they're plotting Adam!" he said, his resolute mind set to find out the malevolent plan of the creatures. Adam sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Fine. But don't get bitten by anything. I don't want to be forced to take my rabid boyfriend to the hospital because he tried to eat me…Even though you can eat me anytime," Adam purred with a wink and Sauli blushed. He was such a flirt, but he couldn't be distracted in such dire times! Grabbing his camera and grasping onto his mug, Sauli made his way out into Adam's backyard. It was littered with lush palm trees and other green vegetation. Truly, it was nature at its best. The pool was straightforward and crystal clear in the Fall weather. Bushes, leaves, branches, and tall grass surrounded the house and Sauli's personal garden was towards the front where he nurtured it every other day. However, he wasn't here to admire the backyard—there was work to be done!

Sauli looked left and right, taking a sip of his coffee and tiptoeing behind a tree. "I know you're hiding…Stop being sneaky…," he mumbled to himself, dashing from one tree to another, gripping onto his mug so he wouldn't drop it. He searched through a bush, having no luck in finding what he was looking for. Obviously, they were not daytime creatures, but Sauli didn't take this into consideration because he wanted so badly to figure out their plans. Adam didn't bother to tell his boyfriend this one major factor because he relished on his childish curiosity and adorable ways.

A heavy frown tugged on Sauli's lips. He sighed, turning around, and gasping as something sticky attached to his face. His eyes fell onto a large black spider that was spinning a web. It had eight long, furry black legs and looked like a giant, dark tennis ball. He screamed, dropping his cup of coffee and squirming. He tried prying the silk off his face, but he was shaking too badly to allow himself to clean off. He bit his bottom lip so none of it would enter his mouth. The blond ran back into the house where Adam heard his scream. He had shaking and yelping excessively, trying to wipe the terror off his face.

Adam glanced at his boyfriend with wide, blue eyes, "Oh my god! Did you get bit? Don't tell me you're rabid!" he cried, poking Sauli's nose who was shivering. He was holding his stomach, his lips tugging downwards.

"Spiders…" he hissed and Adam laughed, carefully taking off the web from his boyfriend's face. He wiped it off on his pants and tilted his head to the side.

"Did you ruin my Ellen mug?" he asked and Sauli gasped. He brought his hand up to his mouth and he shook his head, looking absolutely petrified.

"Oh no! I am so sorry, Adam! I was scared and I dropped it. Oh no…" he whispered and Adam laughed again, shrugging, cleaning the rest of Sauli's face with his sleeve and kissing him lightly on the lips.

"No biggy," he mused. "Silly Sauli, looking for raccoons in the daytime," he hummed melodically, winking at his lover who blushed, sighing sadly at his failure. Adam stood up, stretching some and glancing back down at Sauli. "Do you want me to help you look for the raccoons, baby?" he asked, Sauli's eyes brightened, and he nodded like a child who was just given his favorite toy. This made Adam's heart beat a little faster because he honestly loved his little boyfriend so much. He was so incredibly perfect.

"Yay! It'll be like an adventure!" he squealed, clapping his hands and jumping up, completely forgetting about the spider occurrence.

Adam beamed and took his boyfriend's hand, leading him out into the sun. His cobalt eyes had to adjust lightly to the blinding sun and he gazed from left to right. "I'll go towards the bushes, and you keep looking behind the trees, okay?" he said and his boyfriend nodded. Adam made his way over to the shrubs and he bent down, peeling the leaves back and sticking his head in. He frowned when he found nothing and sighed, coming back up. There was nothing in the bushes except more leaves and the grass. "Stupid plants," he mumbled, plucking the leaves from his hair. His hair was so thick that it basically absorbed the vegetation and ate it.

"Haisunäätä!" Sauli shouted and Adam turned around and saw him on the ground pointing at something behind the tree. He was shaking again and Adam was wondering just how many animals were actually residing in his backyard! It was ridiculous!

"What, baby?" Adam asked, sprinting up to his boyfriend and kneeling behind him. He lifted his hand, petting his blond Mohawk lovingly and glancing to where Sauli was staring.

"Skunk, Adam! I do not want it to get angry…," he whispered, clinging onto Adam's chest (he wasn't wearing a shirt—it was only morning time). Adam's eyes fell to the ground and sure enough, there was a black and white critter with an ostentatious tail, ready to spray at the Finn. Adams' eyes widened and he gripped closer to his lover, trying to think of a way so they weren't attacked.

"Come on, let's just back away slowly," Adam whispered, picking Sauli up off the ground and walking backwards towards the house, never once taking his gaze off the skunk. The skunk simply eyed them both like fresh pieces of meat, but they swiftly sauntered back into the house before it could attack. Adam panted, patting Sauli's head. "That was close," he mumbled and Sauli whined, pointing outside. He had already seemed to forget about the entire skunk incident.

"Adam, the 'coons are still out there! Plotting something evil, I just know it!" he exclaimed and Adam sighed, running his fingers through his now damp hair. He was sweaty, even without a shirt.

"Sweetie, I just think you're overreacting. Try to think of them…talking about something sweet, not evil," Adam suggested, walking back into the kitchen. Sauli scoffed, glancing back outside. He knew the raccoons were up to something, he just needed to figure out what it was…Then maybe Adam would believe him!

That night, Sauli peeked up from the windowsill, camera in hand. He was going to supply plausible evidence to Adam so he could officially delineate his point. Obviously, his boyfriend did not trust his theory. He didn't understand why because it was so lucid that these rodents were up to something too!

His eyes never left that particular spot where the raccoons often gathered. Soon there was one…then two…then three…then at about ten at night, seven raccoons had accumulated in their designated spot, quickly chirping and squeaking at one another. Sauli had his notepad next to him, just in case he could record what they were saying.

After staring at the animals for half an hour, Saulis' eyes grew wary, but he would not give up. He was focused. Right now was the perfect time to figure out what was happening. He wouldn't allow sleep to make him miss this vital information. However, he slightly jumped when the door creaked open and shut and Adam came walking in, his glammed up gear in tack. He had to go to some venue or something. Sauli couldn't remember. Most of the time, Sauli would go with him, but he couldn't today, no. He had to strategize his plan. Adam understood of course and allowed his imagination to run free, but he wasn't expecting Sauli to take it _this _seriously!

Adam glanced over at his boyfriend, who was crouched by the windowsill, his spying supplies read to use. "Baby, what are you…Oh, for Pete's sake, Sauli! Are you still obsessing over those squirrels, or whatever?" Adam asked, trying to hold his laughter back. It was so cute that he was taking this simple matter so seriously.

Sauli turned around for the first time that night, pointing a finger at Adam. "WHAT? Who is Pete, Adam? Those 'coons are planning something and I think it has something to do with your raccoon tail! They think you're one of them," Sauli accused, shoving his notepad in Adam's face which was littered with math equations and little doodles of raccoons. Adam looked at the paper and gasped. He grabbed the notepad and observed it more carefully.

"Is that a doodle of the raccoons CARRYING ME?" he asked and Sauli nodded, his determined face on. He raised a quizzical eyebrow at his steadily growing insane boyfriend.

"Adam, the raccoons think you're their leader! You need to destroy that tail!" Sauli claimed and Adam slapped his palm against his forehead, sighing heavily. This little project of Sauli's was getting out of hand.

"Babe, I don't think the raccoons can make off with me," he said, handing the notebook back to his obviously disgruntled boyfriend. "Here, look at the tail," he said, unclipping his tail from his belt loop and handing it to Sauli. "It doesn't look like theirs, right?" he said, smiling and walking into the kitchen. He sighed, taking a glass of water. Was his boyfriend actually trying to tell him that cults of malevolent raccoons were going to make off with him? That they were going to bring him to their layer and eat him or something? He chuckled lightly to himself, walking past the window then suddenly stopping, turning his head to the side and his mouth fell open at the sight before him. Sauli was outside, sitting ten feet away from the raccoons with his tail clipped onto him.

"Holy shit, you've got to be kidding me!" Adam whispered to himself, literally face palming. He sighed, walking out and sneaking up behind Sauli. He quickly tackled him, causing the blond to scream and the raccoons scattered back into the bushes.

"NO! I ALMOST HAD THEM ADAM! WHY?" he shouted, turning over into Adam's grasp and looking at his boyfriend angrily who was grinning. This was not a laughing matter! He was beginning to articulate what the raccoons were saying! HE COULD ALMOST COMMUNICATE WITH THEM.

"Forget the raccoons, baby. Come inside," he suggested and Sauli squirmed in Adam's grasp.

"I'm telling you! They are plotting something! IS PETE TELLING YOU THEY'RE INNOCENT?" Sauli asked and Adam laughed aloud.

"What? There's no Pete!" he said, kissing Sauli's cheek. "Baby, tomorrow, I promise I'll take you to the zoo tomorrow. Then we can go to a petting zoo or something. I will even try to buy you a pet squirrel, but you can't be out here with potentially rabid raccoons, okay? It's just not safe," he said and Sauli sighed, kissing Adam's forehead.

"Pet squirrel?" he asked, a sheepish smile playing on his lips.

"Yes," he said, taking his boyfriend's hand. Little did Adam know that Sauli was indeed onto something, and given just a little more time, he would have been able to solve it.

Later that night the raccoons sneaked into the Lambert-Koskinen household, and stole Adam's medges.

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><p>Fin.<p> 


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